Amateur Scribe

(The Original)

Sport Stories

Gambling, corruption and alice bands. An unique insight into how England's footballers have raised the stakes.

I’m fairly liberal-minded - I don’t think women should not play football because they should be chained to the kitchen sink – I think they should not play football because they are crap at it.

Diary of a Former England Captain

As Channel 4 signs off after seven successful years of cricket coverage with an England Ashes win, we take an exclusive peek at Michael Atherton's private journal.

"Obsessed" Wenger the Hero in Petulant Spat

Wenger, the lonely dick always a step behind his quarry certainly sits more comfortably than the idea of the French master tactician as a “voyeur”. Mourinho’s most damning accusation conjures up ghastly images of our hero in a dirty mac thumbing furtively through illegally procured photographs of Frank Lampard

"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."

Dean Martin

Sven's Successor

So, to paraphrase the tabloids, the slippery, money-grubbing sex-pest is off. But the World Cup's still ruined for me because if we lose (which we will) there will be the usual hand-wringing and blame-levelling that I find so depressing, and if we win I'll be subjected that Swedish imbecile grinning vacantly down at me from atop a London bus. I'm not sure what's worse. Still, I wonder who's next?

Team England: Privates on Parade

Military precision: The England cricket team warm up for India with a spot of paintballing in the West Midlands.

Christian Football - Playing for the God Squad

I’ve always been reluctant to admit this - spent years mumbling evasively when asked which league my team plays in. No more. For I play in the Chiltern Church Football League and am proud to do so.

Nervous Lineker Not Yet Master of Ceremonies

It quickly became evident he was in some discomfort despite the customary open-necked shirt, pressed camel chinos and boyish grin - Gary struggles on his golfing debut.

In Defence of the Flat Track Bully

I am a fervent Hick apologist – and I admit that frankly I’m a bit of a bore about it at times. When he fails I am miserable. When he scores a hundred I inwardly glow and outwardly fist-pump the air like a deranged loon.

He's Back! Athers’ Diary 07

Still bitter, still twisted – Michael Atherton is a commentator in crisis.

Hammer Horror - Crunch Time for the Gang of Four

Tevez transfer saga comes to a head in Sheffield boozer.

“MC Jazzy Jeff” – Sky Sports’ Stelling moves into the Weddings Game

For just £5000 plus expenses and Paul Merson’s bar bill, you can now hire the erudite and witty Jeff Stelling to emcee your nuptials.

The Winker and the WAG

The romantic fiction / locker-room crossover gathers pace with the latest offering from Mills and Boon.

Serena Oversteps the Line

The stark reality of a romantic liaison with Serena Williams would no doubt hit home the moment you suffered a pulverised rib-cage after dressing as a US Open line judge in a misguided attempt at role-play.

Coalition of the Brave

Has anyone else noticed the eerie symmetry between David Cameron’s coalition cabinet and the soon to be announced England World Cup football squad?

Aussies go AWOL

They’ve cheated us of our moment. When it suited them, they chose ambivalence over their fabled sporting passion. I am a fervent Aussie-phile – but a little bit of that long-nurtured warmth departed me yesterday

A Commentator’s Lament

The Andy Gray fiasco - Unique access to Martin Tyler's private grief...