(The Original)

Amateur Scribe

Des Quits Telly to "Spend More Time with the Ladies"

Lynam arched an eyebrow and turned to face our cameraman. “Nice,” he continued, with a trademark wink.

In another move away from traditional Playboy behaviour, Des pledged to keep his staff away from the public eye by avoiding red carpet appearances flanked by pouting, jewellery-laden flunkies. Instead, Mottyville employees will wear comfy cardigans, make copious mugs of tea and hand out hobnobs as Des strolls around the grounds in a monogrammed bathrobe and fluffy slippers.

Lynam refused to confirm if Carol Vorderman had been invited for an interview, but he did let slip that one elite “Playmate” will be hired specifically for key duties such as ego-massaging, pillow-plumping and moustache maintenance at which point Ladbrokes immediately installed brainbox Countdown colleague Carol as even-money favourite.

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